Who I was and where I am going is not the same

I always feel out-of-place – like I am living in a different place than everyone else around me. And as I age, I am finding that this dissonance is becoming more apparent. It’s either everyone seems to be too slow to keep up with my thoughts and ideas or I am way out to lunch. Personally, I prefer to think that it’s the former rather than the latter, but then again, I could be biased.

I recently read an interesting article outlining the attributes of an entrepreneur. As if I had been hit in the head with a swift kick by my inner self, it all started to make perfect sense. For each of the top 10 qualities outlined in the article described me to a tee, in my abilities, instincts and motivations. And even the thought of assigning the title of “entrepreneur” to myself is exciting – it sounds important, mysterious and successful. But, resisting the simple lure of a “title”, I have come to realize that I have been going against what my natural instincts have been telling me to do all along.

My work has never been the right fit, for I have always been working on someone else’s dream. I have had much to ponder. Where did I pick up this self-defeating sense of duty? Maybe it is something that has always been deep within me, holding me back. A fear of failure? Fortunately for me, I am now finding that these former excuses are becoming exposed and carry less weight than before.

As a result, I tend to wander aimlessly a lot. But my thoughts always seem to come back to the same thread, over and over again. Can I really let everything go, have faith and take this realization to the next level?

I am almost ready to jump off the cliff. My stomach is racing . And it feels amazing.

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One thought on “Who I was and where I am going is not the same

  1. Pingback: Dissonance « Welcome to Hakes' Virtual Cafe

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