Tall Woman seeking Tall Man…

My foray into the dating scene has not been a stellar one to say the least and results have been well below initial expectations.  I am naturally a competitive person. But, between the married, secretly gay and aspiring porn stars, I have been really testing my abilities to soothe my disappointed heart through warm comfort foods, my jammies and ever loyal cat.  It has even come to the point where I am highly suspicious of the handsome and intelligent man, holding a carefully selected bottle of wine and a simple caprese salad, seeking nothing more than my company and conversation.  When did dating become so confusing and difficult to navigate?  Am I really this jaded?

I often think I ought to be doing better at this than I really am.  I don’t think that I am that clueless nor unfortunate – speed dating showed me who the real “unfortunate” are in the dating scene.  A mass of crooked teeth, unbearable nervousness, with a slight sense of desperation in their eyes – no, I do not fit into that category.  Yet, my dating experiences have given me no other conclusive data to prove me otherwise.  I maintain my appearance (through albeit barbaric procedures) to ensure that I am neat, tidy and pleasant in appearance.  I am a regular at the gym.  My bills are paid in-full and on-time every month.  I attract the usual catcalls and have doors magically open for me.  But, why do I have such a hard time meeting a person without falling down the rabbit hole again only to realize that he actually has a secret family somewhere else in the world and forgot to tell me?  And more importantly, how did I not see that one coming?!  I watch Lifetime…?!

I was recently told by a co-worker on an unrelated matter that I have incredibly thick skin.  Boyfriends dying on you will do that to a person.  As I listened to this individual, in my head, I was thinking to myself that maybe I am not moisturizing enough then.  And I guess that is the real lesson in all of this – to stop looking to others for satisfaction and happiness but to focus more on myself to get what I truly need to feed my soul.

But that caprese salad was really good….

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