My foray into the dating scene has not been a stellar one to say the least and results have been well below initial expectations. I am naturally a competitive person. But, between the married, secretly gay and aspiring porn stars, I have been really testing my abilities to soothe my disappointed heart through warm comfort foods, my jammies and ever loyal cat. It has even come to the point where I am highly suspicious of the handsome and intelligent man, holding a carefully selected bottle of wine and a simple caprese salad, seeking nothing more than my company and conversation. When did dating become so confusing and difficult to navigate? Am I really this jaded?
I often think I ought to be doing better at this than I really am. I don’t think that I am that clueless nor unfortunate – speed dating showed me who the real “unfortunate” are in the dating scene. A mass of crooked teeth, unbearable nervousness, with a slight sense of desperation in their eyes – no, I do not fit into that category. Yet, my dating experiences have given me no other conclusive data to prove me otherwise. I maintain my appearance (through albeit barbaric procedures) to ensure that I am neat, tidy and pleasant in appearance. I am a regular at the gym. My bills are paid in-full and on-time every month. I attract the usual catcalls and have doors magically open for me. But, why do I have such a hard time meeting a person without falling down the rabbit hole again only to realize that he actually has a secret family somewhere else in the world and forgot to tell me? And more importantly, how did I not see that one coming?! I watch Lifetime…?!
I was recently told by a co-worker on an unrelated matter that I have incredibly thick skin. Boyfriends dying on you will do that to a person. As I listened to this individual, in my head, I was thinking to myself that maybe I am not moisturizing enough then. And I guess that is the real lesson in all of this – to stop looking to others for satisfaction and happiness but to focus more on myself to get what I truly need to feed my soul.
But that caprese salad was really good….