Resolutions for 2014

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A very special friend in my life has given me some (somewhat) unsolicited advice with intent to have me start 2014 off on the right foot. You know the type – the friend who will force you to face your inner-most demons completely out of the blue, usually over a bottle of wine, without any attempt to sugar-coat the truth, all in the name of friendship. A true gift. So, with utter nonchalance in tone, I have been advised ‘to simply suspend my disbelief’ for all the amazing things that are happening to me. ‘For they are all warranted and earned – you deserve it…’ And with that deadpan look only a true friend can give, the statement hit my core, whether I wanted to face my demons on that particular evening or not.

When I reflect back on 2013, it would seem that each time I have experienced a new event in this venture or overcome some strange challenge (that I never even imagined that I would have to face in the first place…), my reaction has always been one of awe and shock at my good fortune and dumb luck. Sheer happiness. Utter joy. Things that were once thought impossible, have become possible and I often struggle to figure out the ‘how’ while in the moment. As a result, my reflexes and instincts are becoming compromised. It’s as if everything in my mind is bright and acute with my peripheral moving in slow motion. I can’t seem to react in the same way. I’m able to both hear and see what is going on around me but not at the same time. It’s mildly surreal.

And this dissonance/happy state may be putting me at a business disadvantage.

For it is only when I have a quiet moment to sit back and process the events of the day (with a well-earned glass of wine) can I become objective. After some reflection, I begin to recall the feeling as though I am missing something but because I am on such an adrenaline high in the moment, my senses seem dull, weak and just white noise in the background. I’m simply overcome with gratitude to notice anything else. So, while I am trapped in this stunned and blind state, am I really asking all the right questions? Am I really being thorough in my analysis of the situation? Am I really protecting my interests and not allowing myself to be taken advantage of? Am I unnecessarily creating serious potholes in my path that may be making my road more bumpier than it really needs to be?

2014 will be an interesting year. I have no doubt I will continue to be amazed at the challenges, experiences and achievements which lay ahead.

But I think I need to work hard on not trying to understand the ‘how’ or ‘why’ of a situation and focus more on the ‘who’ and ‘what’ in a much more jaded fashion. The real way that I deal with everything else going on in my life…

Thinking I’d better keep my day job

20130403-090327.jpgI am not one to make New Year resolutions.  Since I am constantly setting goals for myself throughout the year, to reserve and express them all on one day would result in a laundry list of random thoughts and wishes.  Not effective.  And overwhelming.  Instead, I choose to use the turn of the New Year as a moment to reflect on the events of the passing year and take that moment to say to myself “wow, I didn’t see that one coming…”
Happens every year…
And I guess that is why I never plan in rigid detail because my plan never really unfolds the way I had initially predicted anyways.  Sure, there are thoughts that happen because I specifically make them happen such as “I want to go on a road trip” or “I will go to the gym” but where I will actually end up on this random road trip and how many times I will actually end up at the gym are absolute unknowns.
Situations and events always pop up when I least expect it.  How could I have predicted that I would meet a random stranger who happens to be an expert in a field of which I have no knowledge of, yet is so critical to the success of my particular venture?  How can I predict death or loss of a job?    How can I predict if I will fall-in or out-of love?  Each of these present options and opportunities that until faced, is impossible to know the route that will best fit.  And that route will more than likely be wrong and rocky and filled with gaping potholes, all requiring the agility of a cat while trapped in the body of an elephant.
So, here I am again this year, pondering the twists and turns.  And again, I am shocked and pleasantly surprised at how the story has unfolded.  But there is no point in guessing where I will be next year – I am clearly a terrible psychic.