How to give a bottle of ketchup for Christmas and not look cheap

Christmas Tourtiere Recipe

For a yummy and indulgent meal this holiday season – without any thought of calories, fat (save that for March when bikini season is fast approaching), or any other modern sense of health-related reasoning – try this meat pie. I can guarantee you that it will bring the tallest and strongest man quite literally to his knees in utter gratitude and awe for your homemade creation! Seriously ladies – if you need a proposal, this is the smoking gun…I should know – I have gotten 2 as a result….

BTW – it takes a couple of days if you want to do it right. I got this recipe from a proper, elderly, French Canadian woman -quantities and instructions can be sketchy at times so go with your gut – as all cooking really ought to be done anyways…

It will make 3 pies – but don’t worry, it’s not too much. The extras can be frozen and enjoyed at a later date – should your man need a reminder of how amazing you actually are.

About 6 cups flour
1 package golden/cookie type shortening
About 2 cups of milk
A bit of salt

Mix flour and salt.
Cut the shortening into the flour until crumbly.
Add the milk gradually until the dough gets all sticky like chewing gum – add more milk/flour to get the right consistency.
Make 2 balls.
Wrap each in wax paper.
Put in a ziplock bag and refrigerate for 24 hours – a must in this process- don’t skimp.

Next day….
Take one ball and divide it in three to roll out the bottoms for the pies. Don’t forget! The dough will shrink slightly so make a slight overhang over the edge!
Pierce bottoms with a fork.
Bake at 350 until golden. You’ll know when its done because it will smell yummy.
Cool completely.

1 package each ground lamb, beef and veal.
1 can cream of mushroom soup – FULL FAT AND SODIUM (re-read 1St paragraph if you need a reminder of the intent of this recipe)
Salt and Pepper

Fry onions in oil. One or two cooking onions per pie usually works.
Fry meat in pot. Once cooked – A MUST!!! Drain the excess liquid. Soppy pie = no proposal.
Add soup.
Add salt, pepper and allspice. You’ll know when it’s good.

Take meat and mix it in a food processor.
Spread the filling into the pies.

Take the last ball of dough and roll out 3 tops. Pierce with a fork. You can take a moment here to get creative by adding a hint for your man – but you must know that your message will become purely subliminal – his brain, eyes and ears will shut off completely once his lips taste your creation. If you don’t want a proposal – I applaud your independence and choices – then this would be a good time to ask for that puppy or whatever it is he has been opposed to for unknown reasons.

Bake until top is golden – about 30 minutes or so. If you freeze the extras, reheat covered in foil for about an hour at 350.

Serve with your beautifully wrapped bottle of ketchup and voila! Kitchen goddess!


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